| A man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he was born and raised in the hands of a queen. -unknown |
Throughout the last six months I know over ten people who have gotten engaged and those people were all under the age of twenty-five. To be honest, it was between Christmas and Valentine's Day that those people got engaged. Now, growing up I always thought that I was going to get married young. It was a deep desire in my heart to be married young. So I thought there was something wrong with me. I was eighteen - turning nineteen just after Valentine's Day. I was desperate to say the least. So when someone finally showed some interest, I was over the moon. We had so much in common and we enjoyed a lot of the same things. I was really interested. In the end things did not work out between us.
I realized that I was definitely not ready for a relationship yet. I need to be comfortable in my own skin first and most importantly I need to love myself for who I am. My trip to California as much as I felt like it was escape, I did learn a huge lesson. That is when I realized I was not ready. My friend reminded me that it was okay that I was not in a relationship and now for the last five months I have really been okay with not being with someone.
If you were to know something (possibly) new about me, is that I have crazy dreams. They say when there is a full moon people tend to have crazy dreams. I always feel more rested when I dream at night. That has not been the case for the last few nights, I have woken up just completely and utterly exhausted. I have woken up, hours before I even need to get up - wide awake. I finally fall back to sleep and have the most intense dreams. The reoccurring theme has revolved around finding the man of my dreams. I have found him, he's been the same person. It felt so good to have someone who wanted me. Someone I didn't scare away. Someone who did not find me too intense. Someone who loved me in the way I have been craving.
I know that God's timing is perfect. My timing is never perfect in comparison to God's timing. I know that God has someone in mind. He will allow our paths to cross someday or maybe our paths have crossed in the past. It is so hard waiting, especially when I feel like I am being teased. It is just so difficult when I wake up from a dream that feels so real - like this morning when I dreamt, he was lightly rubbing my back as he was patiently explaining something to me that I did not understand. I woke up upset almost distraught.
It is just difficult when I am craving a relationship where I'll be their first go-to and they'll be my go-to. This summer, as I am drawing closer to God and a deeper relationship with him I will trust him more and more about him providing the one thing I want most from life - a family, my own family. I want this to be a reminder - an encouragement, especially to myself. That one day, I will find the man of my dreams. I know now that I am not ready even though it kills me to say that. I am not ready. When God knows that I am ready and when my future husband is ready he will allow our paths to cross and grow together as one.
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