New Beginnings

| When God gives you a new beginning, it starts with an ending. Be thankful for closed doors. They often guide us to the right one. - A Woman of Faith |

I like to think I am original. Do things my way. I don't give in to fads. hype. But who are we kidding. I tend to like and enjoy those fads. New Things. I heard about the book, "Fault in Our Stars," then I heard there was going to be a movie about it. I told myself no. I will not read it. I will not watch it. I guess it just did not peak my interest at all. Last week, I was walking through a dinge-y mall. I had a gift card for a store there so I went. I walked passed Coles and it caught my eye because it wasn't up-to-date and as bright as the other Coles or Chapters I have seen. Fault in Our Stars caught my eye. However, I kept walking. On my way back to my car, I walked passed it again. I bee-lined for the book. I gave in. I bought it. It sat on my floor for a week. Thats all the thought I gave it. 

Sunday afternoon, it was a beautiful day. clear sky. hot. I felt the motivation to go do something - but I did not want to go alone. I called one friend - she was busy. So, I cleaned my kitchen and living room, and did laundry. After, I hunkered down on the couch and started to watch a movie that was playing on TV. Out of the corner of my eye, I kept noticing the book I had left on the floor. I paused the movie. ran a bath. new bath bomb- honey bee. By the time I got out of the tub I had read nearly 100 pages. To say the least. Fault in Our Stars. under 24 hours. complete.

I did not find anything too special about the book up until that point. I think because of my brother's health issues I have allowed myself to become numb on the topic of cancer. sickness. hospitals. death. I was really struck hard. As Hazel and her mom drove away, her dad stood at the end of the driveway bawling. He feared that he would never see his daughter again. This feeling was all too familiar. I pictured that scene happening at my house. with my parents. watching out the review mirror. not able to do anything but drive. I hate talking about what happened. It's gotten easier - it only took five years. 

I do not think that I have feared my brother dying. There definitely were times where I should have been a little more fearful. I was never scared that I would never see him again. I had hope. He was strong. A fighter. Happy. But there definitely were moments where I was terrified. The hardest times were when the doctors did not have answers. I had to rest in God's hands. Collapsing into my teacher's arms one afternoon was my breaking point. the scariest moment I had. sick. scared. tired. done. 

He is the most inspiring human being. He loves so deeply. He inspires everyone. He has the midas touch. changing. inspiring. impacting. No one walks away from him not being changed or touched. I remember talking to one of my friends and she shared about a conversation she had with him. He asked how she was - she ranted about whatever then asked how he was. He replied by saying you know God is good. She just stood there. baffled. She remembered she had nothing to complain about it, it should have been Russel complaining about what was going on his life. He didn't. He's always so gung-ho. happy-go-lucky. To be honest, I can't tell you the last time I have seen him in a bad mood. I can count on two hands over the last week that I have been in a bad mood. 

The next two days, we will be celebrating as family and friends. The graduating class of 2014. A day, a year ago, we did not know if it would be happening this year or the next. I am so proud of how far he has come. We can celebrate how he finished on top. He finished as an inspiration. He finished as a hero. I am looking forward to celebrating with our friends and family who will be there, and those who are not. We can celebrate the joy God has brought to our family over the last five-years. As Frankie Ballard says in his song Helluva Life, the bad times make the good times better. This rings so true. I have recognized this many times now. If we did not have the bad times, we would not be able to taste the sweetness of the good. God has blessed me so richly. undeservingly. He has brought my family closer together. I am so thankful for the next two days that God has set aside so we can celebrate Russel, his New Beginning and the graduating class of 2014.