Again and Again

re-energize | give fresh vitality, enthusiasm, or impetus to |

Fresh vitality. That struck me. I got the image of walking out of a hot building but the air lacked a cooling breeze you were hoping for. But, as soon as you take one step further you found that cooling and re-energizing affect you were looking for. 

All this commotion about finding a man as got me worked up and agitated. hopeless. When I am not worked up over it, I realize how silly the whole thing is. I am still so young. It is funny how when other's come to you for advice but when you think back to it, it is almost always advice you should take for yourself. 

The other day, I had a friend who has been going through a lot came to me for advice. He said he needs a girlfriend. I responded by saying that there are differences between your needs and wants. Later into the conversation I said to him that because of what he is going through he really needs to go do something to find himself. He does not need a girlfriend and he needs to realize that having a girlfriend is not going to make all of his problems better. I shared that one thing I have learned about travelling this year is that no matter how far or how long I go my problems will always be there. They may numb the pain temporarily but they will not be resolved. I am re-learning how to build my confidence and not rely on others for my happiness - people are always going to disappoint you. However, you do need people, you just cannot rely on them solely for your happiness. As I thought about this conversation later I realized that was advice that I should be taking. As I struggle with being patient, I am not desperately searching for a future-husband but in a sense I am sleeping with one eye open. 

That conversation weighs heavy on my heart but it is also refreshing by learning to take my own advice.

Yesterday morning, I went for coffee with my pastor's wife. I did not share with her about my anxiousness but she shared beautifully about her marriage. She said it is so great just always knowing that someone is there. She has such a deep love and appreciation for her husband. She continued by telling me problems are inevitable, even the little things drive each other crazy sometime and that there are always going to be specific things that they will struggle over. But, she said to know how to discuss and working through those problems is very important. 

I woke up early this morning and decided to open up the book I am reading, Epic Grace: Chronicles of a Recovering Idiot by Kurt W. Bubna. One of the chapters I read about this morning was Chapter 12: What Those Romance Novels Don't Tell You. It was such a raw and personal chapter. He opened the chapter by sharing a discussion he was having with his son, Nathan. Nathan said that his favourite biblical promise is that "In this world you will have trouble," referring to John 16:33. This chapter really focused on his marriage and the struggles the went to. He promises that there will be challenges and struggles - he stated that if you have been married for more than a week you have probably figured that out. He shared what their counsellor had shared with them. 

"This circle represents the covenant circle of the love that God wants us to live in as married couple…" Covenant love in the Bible is the kind of love that God has for us and the love God wants us to experience with others It is a commitment-based love built on a holy and mutual discussion made by two people… Covenant love is not based on circumstances, feelings, or personal happiness. In fact, Marriage, a covenant is a solemn accord between two people to love each other no matter what. 

While sitting through their sessions, he faced many emotions. He had a huge love/hate relationship with it.

It is so important to recognize the fault within ourselves. He shared that this is where most failed marriages pull the plug. This is where the title of the chapter comes in. As a society we have become disillusioned. We need to realize that trouble is normal and inevitable. It was a good reminder to learn that marriage is not all about the romance. He states that if it is just romance that we are concerned with your marriage is destined for tragedy. 

Here's the last tid-bit from their counsellor, Carol: "…I've drawn this as a circle because the seasons will come and go. Joy always leads to season of romance… which leads to another season of trouble.. which leads to disillusionment… which always leads to more joy - if you hang in there."

Lastly, when I arrived at work this morning I had an e-mail from a blog that I have recently started following. You would never guess the discussion topic. Marriage. Her first line says, "Well, for someone that doesn't talk a lot about personal stuff, here goes a rather personal post." She again shared that like everyone else's marriage it has had its ups and downs, moments of bliss and of learning. Once she got some marriage advice that has stuck and still very influential to her still to this day. 

Marriage is asking someone to stand in front of you naked and vulnerable. 

This reveals the beauty of marriage. It also struck me as something very intimate. She shared that you are not naked, but you asking them to show you every aspect of who they are. The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. 

I think when I first read that, I misread it. But it can work in the opposite way too. Before I can stand before my future husband, I must be fully comfortable with who I am. If I am not fully comfortable with who I am, I will never be able to connect with my husband the way I need to to have a healthy marriage.

God works in crazy, mysterious ways. He has allowed my to have dreams where I found the love of my life. He has used a grandmother figure. to encourage me- even though at the time it wasn't encouraging. Then in the last 48hrs, God has used my friend, pastor's wife, a book, and a blog post to reveal to me the bitter ugliness of marriage - the hard work. But he has also revealed the beauty and the honour that marriage brings. Marriage is not an easy thing but it is also something so beautiful and rewarding. I am so thankful for what the Lord has revealed to me the last two days. I am so encouraged. I am feeling a fresh vitality and enthusiasm towards marriage but in an entirely different view.